Devin Dornbrock We place a lot of importance on love. Most fairy tales end with the prince sweeping his princess off her feet, getting married, and living happily ever after. But relationships aren’t built on love and “happily ever after” alone. A lot has to go into a relationship to make it last, especially if you want it to be healthy and long-lasting. So, how do you build a healthy relationship in the first place?
Open and Honest Communication
Any good relationship needs open and honest communication. That means more than just talking to or at each other all the time. It means actually communicating about the important things, like your worries and concerns or your hopes and dreams. It also means being able to talk about anything with each other without worrying about how the other person will react.
Of course, some things are harder to talk about than others. Past traumas or life-changing events can be tricky to bring up with your significant other, especially if you’re afraid discussing them will change the way things are now. Or maybe you’re worried it could even change the way they feel about you.
Being afraid to talk about something doesn’t mean you can avoid it forever. Avoidance has a way of coming back to bite you in the end. Plus, the longer you put off important conversations, the more they tend to hang over you, like a heavy cloud that could cause a storm at any moment.
The good thing about storms, though, at least when you know they’re coming, is that you can prepare. Communication can be the same. When you know something is going to be difficult to discuss, you can make preparations. Get yourself ready mentally and pick the right time and place to face the storm. Don’t let it hang over you indefinitely, growing worse with time while you pretend it isn’t there.
Trust
One of the most important aspects of building a healthy relationship is trust. You can’t have a healthy relationship without it. Most of us know that, and it has been well studied for a long time.
Trying to have a relationship without trust is like trying to build one out of sand. It may stand tall for a while and even look beautiful on the outside, but eventually, something will cause it to come crashing down, whether it’s a crashing wave, the gradual erosion of time, or something else entirely.
The first sign of conflict or crisis is often enough to break a relationship built without trust. After all, if you can’t trust each other, there’s little reason to fight for the relationship. It’s easier to let it crumble or abandon it altogether. If you can’t trust your partner, why would you believe they won’t do the same?
The nice thing about trust is that it usually develops naturally in relationships. You build it together over time and come to rely on each other. It may not come as easily if you’ve been hurt or betrayed before, but that’s something you can overcome with support and patience.
Empathy and Understanding
One of the less obvious aspects of a healthy relationship is empathy and the willingness to genuinely try to understand your partner. No two people are alike, which means no two relationships are alike either. We all react differently to stress, and we all carry our own baggage and past struggles.
Maybe you’re thinking it’s obvious that everyone is different, and therefore every relationship is different. What’s less obvious is that people understand and react to situations differently than you do.
Think about a situation where you order a sandwich. When you get it, it’s not quite what you ordered. Maybe there’s too much mayo, or the bread is completely different from what you wanted. For some people, it’s easy to send it back and get exactly what they ordered. For others, they may be more inclined to jump off the nearest cliff than risk a confrontation, even when they’re 100% in the right.
All of that is to say that an important part of building a healthy relationship is the ability to empathize with your partner and try to understand how they’re feeling. They’re not you. Just because you would do things differently or feel differently doesn’t mean the stress or emotions they’re experiencing are invalid.
Support your partner by empathizing with how they’re handling things rather than dismissing them simply because you would approach the situation differently.
Respect
The final piece of building a healthy relationship comes down to respect. Without mutual respect, your relationship will eventually make one or both of you miserable.
It’s easy to claim you respect your partner, but consider the following questions carefully:
- Are you comfortable being seen with them in public?
- Are you comfortable with your friends or family knowing you’re together?
- Do you genuinely value their perspective?
- Do you see them as your equal?
- Can you name at least one good thing about them that isn’t related to their appearance?
If you answered “no” to even one of these questions, you may need to take a closer look at how much respect exists in the relationship.
Building a healthy relationship with someone you don’t respect is nearly impossible. Trying to communicate openly and honestly with someone you don’t respect, let alone trust them, is incredibly difficult. Most of us would simply shrug and say there’s no point. We’d come up with reasons why it won’t work or why the effort isn’t worth it.
Everything unravels without mutual respect. Relationships are a partnership, and that means valuing your partner enough to be open with them. It means valuing them enough to trust them and to empathize when they’re struggling.
