Devin Dornbrock Actions speak louder than words, so if you want to learn how to lead and build confidence, the best way to do it is through your actions. It’s sort of like plunging into ice water or leaping off a bridge. It’s scary and hard to do the first time but the more you do it, the easier it is to just jump right in. Over time, you’ll get the hang of it without having to psych yourself up or getting your stomach twisted into knots.
Of course, that doesn’t mean the only way to build confidence is by getting shoved off the hypothetical bridge. It’s okay to take things one step at a time and ease into it.
Step One: You Have to Want It
First things first, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. That also applies to helping yourself and making a conscious decision that you want to grow. Having the motivation and the desire to build confidence one step at a time can be half the battle.
Just wanting to be more confident means acknowledging that you can be. It also means you’ve given yourself a goal. One that you can absolutely accomplish!
To help you achieve that goal, let’s take a look at the next steps in leading and building confidence.
Step Two: Recognize Yourself
To lead and build confidence, you’ll want to start by turning inward. We’ll take a good look in the metaphorical mirror for a second here.
Everyone has flaws. That’s just a fact. Even the most seemingly perfect person in the world has flaws that can eat away at their confidence. The difference between them and you is that they don’t let those flaws hold them back. Flaws aren’t all that define you; there are also amazing qualities in you as well. That’s what we want to recognize.
Recognize that while flawed, there are good things too. Remind yourself of that the next time you feel doubt eating away at you. The next time you think you know the answer to a question but want to quietly wait for someone else to answer, just in case you’re wrong.
Being confident doesn’t mean assuming you’re never wrong; it means knowing you could be and speaking up anyway.
Step Three: Do Your Best With What You Have
The biggest thing that makes people lose confidence or hold them back from leading is the fear of regret. It’s easier to let other people take the lead when you’re afraid that you (and everyone else) will regret the choices you make. If someone else is making the choice, well, it’s not your fault if they make the wrong choice.
Waiting for other people to make decisions and lead because you’re afraid you might make the wrong choice… It’s still a choice.
Rather than waiting for others to make the choices for you and living with their consequences, a true sign of confidence is stepping up and letting yourself make decisions based on the information you have. Even if those decisions turn out not to be the best ones, you should be incredibly proud of yourself for doing what you thought was right for you.
Step Four: Remember That No One Knows What They’re Doing
Whenever I start to lose confidence in myself, it’s usually because it feels like someone better should be in my place. Someone smarter should be speaking up instead of me. Someone older. Someone more experienced.
While it is true that there is always going to be someone out there in the world who is better, smarter, wiser, cooler, whatever-er than you, it’s also true that 99% of the entire world has no clue what they’re doing.
Every day, everyone wakes up and just tries to do what they can. Some of us are better at pretending we know what we’re doing… And some of us are better at believing they’re the best in the world at whatever it is they’re doing, but at the end of each day, that doesn’t change the fact that no one has all the answers. Especially adults. Everyone feels like an imposter most of the time (we have a whole other blog about that!).
If you’re having a tough time being confident about anything, you can always be confident about that.
Step Five: Practice Makes Perfect
When you want to build confidence, you don’t have to go 0 to 60 in a single day. It’s okay to start small. Assert yourself in ways you normally wouldn’t without overthinking it. Over time, you’ll find it easier to stand tall in situations you’d never thought possible.
Gas yourself up and finally tell that barista in your local coffee shop how to correctly spell your name. Or take a second to compliment your crush on that cool pair of shoes. Little things that feel impossible but are actually kind of no big deal. Just like plunging into that ice water, the more you do it, the less you’ll hesitate next time.
Step Six: Rely On Others
It sounds a little counterintuitive, I know. Build confidence and learn to lead by… Turning to others? Isn’t confidence and leadership about self-reliance? Partly yes. Studies show that positive relationships actually boost your confidence.
Having a support network of people you feel safe with does wonders for building confidence. When you love and trust others, you know they’ll have your back if you make a wrong decision or screw up somehow. Give yourself the same trust you give them.
