Devin Dornbrock Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
When it comes to dating, some people love to play mind games—saying one thing while meaning something entirely different. This makes it hard to understand their intentions, let alone figure out how you should respond. That’s why understanding what he means vs. what he says can make all the difference. To help navigate the confusion, here’s a guide to some common phrases guys say and what they often really mean.
“I’m busy.”
When a guy says he’s busy, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s brushing you off. It might not mean he’s occupied every single moment but rather that he doesn’t currently have the bandwidth to focus on you or the conversation.
Don’t take it personally—everyone gets busy sometimes. However, if he wanted to make time for you, he probably would. A quick text or call is manageable for most people. Before reacting emotionally, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Sometimes, other priorities genuinely deserve attention.
“We’re just having fun.”
This is often code for “I’m not looking for anything serious.” It could mean he sees your relationship as a situationship or something more casual, like a “friends with benefits” arrangement. If you’re hoping for a deeper connection, this can sting—and it can be hard to shift his perspective if he’s already set on keeping things light.
“Can we talk about this later?”
The meaning here can vary based on the guy. Sometimes, he genuinely wants to postpone the conversation because he’s tired or preoccupied with something else.
If he continually asks, ‘Can we talk about this later?’ it’s likely an example of what he means vs what he says—a deflection tactic hoping you’ll drop or forget the issue. This can often stem from differences in how men and women communicate. Women may prefer to address issues directly and resolve them in the moment, while some men may feel overwhelmed or prefer to avoid emotional conversations altogether. Understanding these differences can help you approach the situation with patience and clarity, rather than frustration.
“This is my friend…”
If he introduces you as a “friend” despite being closer than most friends, it could mean one of two things: he’s not ready to label the relationship or intentionally keeping things casual in front of others. There’s also a slim chance he’s nervous about defining the relationship too soon.
If you’re uncomfortable being introduced as “just a friend,” let him know how you feel. Clear communication is key.
“I’m not hungry.”
When a guy says he’s not hungry, he typically means it. Unlike women, who may face societal pressure about their eating habits, guys generally feel free to say exactly what they mean about food.
That said, he might still accept a snack or drink if offered—it’s not necessarily a rejection of your gesture, especially if you’re asking for yourself!
“I like women who don’t wear makeup.”
This phrase is a classic case of what he means vs what he says. He thinks he prefers no makeup but likely just appreciates a natural-looking style. Think soft lines, neutral tones, and subtle application. Many guys don’t realize their idea of “no makeup” often involves makeup—just expertly applied.
“I’m just kidding.”
Context is everything here. If he says this during a lighthearted conversation, it’s probably harmless. However, it’s a red flag if he uses it after you express feeling hurt. Chances are, he wasn’t kidding and is trying to minimize the situation to avoid taking responsibility.
Deflecting hurtful words or actions by pretending they were a joke is a classic manipulation tactic and can sometimes escalate into gaslighting. If he belittles or dismisses your feelings, it’s a sign he has some growing up to do before he’s worth your time.
At the End of the Day
No matter what he says, the success of any relationship boils down to communication. Over time, you’ll become more attuned to what he means vs what he says without needing to over-analyze every conversation. Don’t stress too much about decoding every little thing—healthy relationships aren’t built on over-analysis.
Everyone communicates differently, which can lead to misunderstandings. The next time you question what he means, give him the benefit of the doubt and ask. Open dialogue is always the best way forward.
