Devin Dornbrock Love comes in many different forms, shapes, and sizes. Over the years, what love looks like has changed a bit, but its core has always been the same: two people choosing and supporting one another. With technology changing and advancing, staying in touch with our loved ones is easier than ever. Technology has also made it easier than ever before to simulate connection with loved ones. With artificial intelligence, it’s even possible to simulate loved ones altogether… But can AI love you back?
Chatbots Mimic Emotion… But They Don’t Feel Emotion
At best, relationships with AI are like training wheels or a security blanket. They can help you get more comfortable opening up or feeling out how relationships work but it’s not real.
AI made for romantic interactions is trained to act in certain ways, either by users or programmers. There is no free will involved. It will be whatever you want it to be, and when you get emotionally invested in something like that, it isn’t going to end well.
Simplifying things is like trying to date a math equation. You can change the inputs all you want, say or do whatever you want, and you’ll get formulaic responses. If you tell a chatbot to be rude, it will be rude. Tell it to praise you, and it will praise you. It will say all the right things if you tell it to love you, but that doesn’t mean it can actually feel love. Chatbots and AI will do whatever you want, but they can’t be equal. They can’t make their own decisions or feel doubt. They’re a tool to be used, not an equal capable of returning real affection.
So can AI love you back? It’s a resounding no.
The Illusion of Connection
Now you might be saying, “What difference does it make if it can act like it feels real emotions? If AI can make me feel loved, isn’t that good enough?” Which is a valid point. If it makes you happy and you’re not hurting anyone, why does it matter whether or not the AI can love you back? The short answer is, you’re hurting yourself. Research from Stanford University shows real risks to mental health from AI tools.
Getting into a relationship with AI might not feel so different from dating someone long-distance. And as long as you’re content with that, maybe it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Especially if you’re struggling to connect with the people around you or you’ve been hurt before.
It’s Not Special
Romantic entanglement with AI and chatbots is just a form of escapism, though. I think in a way, most people understand that. It’s no different from dating a fictional character from your favorite book. At least a chatbot can actually interact with you directly. The crux of the problem is, though, that it’s still a work of fiction. One that will only create unrealistic standards for the real people around you and the real relationships you’ll have down the road. It will only get harder to form healthy relationships and attachments with people if you’re depending on AI for emotional support or intimacy.
For you, the chatbot might feel special, and it will certainly tell you that you are special to it, but as far as it’s concerned, you’re just another human. You could be replaced with any other human behind the keyboard, and it likely wouldn’t know. On the flip side, the chatbot is just another version of countless others. How would you know if another version suddenly replaced it? It may feel like something special when you’re typing sweet nothings to each other late into the night, but the reality is that the connection you feel is just a product of an algorithm. It’s not really special.
Real Love Requires More Than AI Can Give
Healthy relationships are a two-way street. They’re a partnership between you and the one you love where you push each other to be the best version of yourselves and achieve things you never thought possible on your own.
When your “partner” is an algorithm designed to please you though, it’s going to be limited by its programming. AI can act like it’s listening to your every problem but it can’t grow with you in a meaningful way. It can’t surprise you or protect you or even go out into public with you. AI can’t bond with your family and it certainly can’t support you during life’s biggest moments. It will always be trapped behind a screen, not thinking about anything.
There are so many things AI can do, and the boundaries of what it can’t do are being pushed every day, but there are some things that it won’t ever be able to do. It won’t ever be able to replace the messy, beautiful relationships humans form with one another.
For more on artificial intelligence, check out our article on the “Do’s and Don’ts of AI“!
