Devin Dornbrock When you start dating someone, it’s a given that you like-like them. It’s too common for couples to get together who don’t seem to enjoy each other’s company.
Do you like your significant other?
It’s easy to be attracted to someone without loving them, and it’s also easy to be attracted to someone you don’t even like. A relationship can’t last based on attraction alone, though.
Even in cases where you and your partner are madly in love, experts say burning passion won’t last. Eventually, the passion will subside. When that happens, you won’t be able to rely on physical attraction to stay together.
For long-lasting relationships, this isn’t necessarily bad, as it gives you a chance to form an unbreakable bond and reach the stage that experts call “true love.”
Forming that bond with someone you’re just attracted to isn’t possible, though. When you’re dating people you hate, you’ll miss out on more than just another likable person in your life.
Do you like it when they talk about their interests?
An easy way to gauge whether you actually like your significant other is how you react when they start talking about the things they like. Even if you don’t have any interest in it, if you can still enjoy hearing them talk about it, then it’s definitely a good sign.
If you can’t stand to hear them go on about something they enjoy, you may not actually like them. This can apply to your friends too. I’m not saying you need to listen with bated breath for hours and hours on end. You should at least feel happy that they want to share something they care about with you, though.
If all you can do is get annoyed when the person you love is talking about the things that make them happy, it’s time to re-examine your priorities.
Would you stick up for them if your friends/ family didn’t like them?
Another sign you may not like your significant other is if you let other people bad mouth them. You can’t force anyone to like your partner, but there’s no reason to let your friends and family say hurtful things about them, either.
When you’re in a relationship, you’re not supposed to want to hear awful things said about the person you love. Especially from the other people you care about. Unless, of course, you’re dating people you hate.
If you’re not sticking up for your partner, it can only mean you don’t value them or how your friends and family view them. That includes letting your friends and family make bad jokes about them or play hurtful pranks on them.
Is it funny when they’re upset?
It’s fairly common for people in relationships to joke about how terrible their relationship is. Tons of people joke about how awful their spouses are or how funny it is to pull horrible pranks on them.
Relationship “prank wars” have become especially popular since YouTube started gaining popularity, and the trend has picked up some speed more recently thanks to TikTok. When done the right way, pranking your significant other can actually be very funny.
Most people don’t do it the right way, and all they’re after is dramatic reactions that genuinely hurt the person they’re supposed to care about.
Writing it off as “just a prank” totally ignores the feelings of the person who was “pranked.” Your amusement should not come at your partner’s expense, and seeing them in distress should not make you smile or feel good.
Do you enjoy spending time with them?
This is the big question, honestly. Do you like hanging out with your significant other, or are they just someone to pass the time with? Do you want to hear what they have to say, or would you rather go hang out with your other friends? It’s good to have platonic relationships with other people, but if you’re completely ignoring your partner, that isn’t healthy either.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but if you don’t like spending time with your partner, you probably shouldn’t be with them. Leaving someone you don’t even like is doing both them and you a service because it lets you find people you enjoy being around.
Your partner is someone you’re (hopefully) going to be with for a long time. If you don’t even like them, there’s no reason to keep things going. When you stop dating people you hate, you gain a new perspective on relationships and love. I promise you’ll also be much happier.
Why you might start dating people you hate
We went over some clear signs that could indicate you don’t actually like your partner. Now let’s talk about why you might not want to stop dating people you hate.
You feel lonely without a relationship
A very common reason to stay in a relationship with someone you don’t like is because you’re afraid to be alone. Tons of people stay in relationships longer than they should because it feels better than being alone.
Staying with someone just because you don’t want to be alone isn’t fair to you or them. Staying with someone you know can seem like the better option than trying to find someone new, especially if you haven’t had much luck with dating lately.
When you’re single, it can feel like you’re destined to die alone. Dating people you hate can feel like the only option to avoid that. It’s not healthy, though, and will make you miserable in the long run.
It’s normal to be afraid of being alone, but we promise it’s okay. We wrote a whole other blog about it and how it’s good for you.
You don’t have a frame of reference
If you’ve never been in a relationship where you actually liked the person you were dating, it may seem like it’s only natural to dislike your partner. You mostly tolerate them, so it’s fine, right? Wrong.
Love isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not supposed to feel like pulling teeth, either. When I say love takes work, I mean it takes commitment. It does not take you forcing yourself to be around someone you can barely tolerate.
There are better things out there. Better people out there for you. If you have the courage to try to find them you’ll be able to find an incredible relationship waiting for you with someone you won’t want to live without. It can be scary, and it can be hard, but it’s out there. I promise. You won’t find that if you continue staying with someone you can’t stand, though.
Dating people you hate doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means you’ve missed out on having a healthy relationship.
Have you ever dated someone you didn’t like?
