I admit I’m not the most preceptive when it comes to noticing when people are trying to flirt with me. That doesn’t mean I don’t notice when people are flirting with my friends, though. I swear it’s so much easier to understand what people think when it doesn’t involve you! Anyway, if you’re anything like me, you might need some help seeing the signs that someone is into you.
They go out of their way to talk to you
If you have someone in your life who goes out of their way to talk to you, there’s a good chance someone is into you.
When I say they’re going out of their way to talk to you, I mean they’re really going out of their way. Like they have no reason to be wherever you are, but there they are. Sometimes they may have a weak excuse to rationalize why they keep coming around until they get the courage to ask you. You’ll usually be able to figure that excuse out unless they’re really clever.
They might show up at parties they hear you’re going to be at or bump into you near your class even though theirs is all the way across campus. Maybe they purposefully go to a coffee shop across town from their job just so they can see you. Whatever their reason is, people who aren’t romantically interested wouldn’t be doing any of it.
They ask your friends about you
This one is a little obvious, but if someone asks your friends about you, that person is into you. Most people without romantic intentions would ask you anything they wanted to know without making it a big deal. If they’re crushing on you, though, they may want to be a little sneakier about it.
The tricky thing here is that your friends may or may not tell you if someone is asking about you. If they knew the person too and promised not to tell you, then you probably won’t find out for a while. If they happen to tell you, though, you can definitely take it as a sign.
They may do things for you
Depending on how well you know them, someone with a romantic interest in you may try to go above and beyond for you. They may do things like helping you move or searching for a lost pet. They could try a more subtle approach by bringing you a small gift like your favorite coffee or baking you a cake.
Some people are nice, but most people aren’t that nice.
They seek you out in a group
One surefire way to tell if someone is into you is to get them in a group setting. (It works best if they know at least half of the group.) Once you’re all in the group and hanging out, keep an eye on how often they come up to talk to you specifically.
It can be pretty obvious someone is interested in another romantically when they practically glue themselves to your side, even in a room full of their other friends.
Friendly movie nights can also be a good way to check romantic interest. If they sit next to you over their best friend, it could very well mean something.
They make it a point to ask about your interests
Talking about hobbies and other interests is a pretty basic question people ask to get to know each other, but it doesn’t necessarily indicate romantic interest. The key part here is when someone goes out of their way to get you to talk about the things you like. They may encourage you to talk more about them even if you feel like you’re rambling.
I once spent three hours talking to someone about a video game franchise I had never played before… And had no intention of ever playing. I just wanted to hear them talk about something I knew they loved, even if I didn’t love it myself.
If someone is into you, and I mean really into you, they’ll want to hear you talk about the things you enjoy. It will make them feel all warm and gooey on the inside to hear you gush about something you’re passionate about and see your face light up when someone actually wants you to go on about it.
Friends may ask you politely but will probably try to change the subject after a little bit. Someone with a crush, though? They’ll probably just be happy to see you happy and want to share the things you like.
They make it pretty obvious they want to impress you
People normally like to brag about themselves a little but don’t go overboard… Unless they’re interested that someone is into you. Then all bets are off. They may take the smallest excuse to talk about how smart they are, how brave they are, how accomplished they are, anything and everything they think can think of to make you interested in them.
I have this friend who immediately starts talking about how great a singer they are. They’ll go on about how they aspire to sign a record label and make it in the music industry. That’s pretty cool, but this friend emphasizes how great their singing is when they’re around someone they like. Like, even talking about musicals they’ve been in and compliments they’ve gotten just to show off.
If you didn’t know them, you might just think they were really into music. As their friend, though, it’s pretty obvious when they want attention from a potential romantic partner.
My point is that when someone is into you, they want you to see their good points. They will also make it a point to talk about those good points in front of you. They can show those good points in more subtle ways too, maybe by offering to share special books with you or offering to teach you how to do things. Whatever shows you they’re a good person and someone you can rely on.
If you’re still not sure, just ask
If you’re not confident in yourself, it can be really hard to pick up on signals that someone is into you. Even if they’re being super obvious about it. According to researchers at the University of Kansas, most people can only pick up on flirting about 30% of the time, so don’t feel too bad if you miss the signals.
If you think someone is flirting with you but you still aren’t sure, you can always just ask them. If you can’t do it yourself, you can ask a friend to ask for you too.
The best way to avoid misunderstandings is to have clear communication. If they are into you, asking them gives them a chance to come clean about how they feel. If they aren’t, you get everything out in the open, and you won’t have to second-guess their actions in the future.
Check out our Top 5 Date ideas if things go well!
How do you show your interest in someone?