Devin Dornbrock Breakups are tough, especially when you don’t see them coming. Even if you’ve been checked out of the relationship for a while, it can still hurt when someone ends things seemingly out of nowhere. Unfortunately, there’s no way to prevent the complicated emotions and hurt a breakup can cause. What you can do though, is learn to see the signs you’re headed for a breakup before it happens.
First and Foremost: Talk Things Out Before You Do Anything
Before we get into any signs of a doomed relationship, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Every person is different, and every relationship even more so. If you notice one or more of these signs, think before you act. DEFINITELY don’t try to “beat them to the punch”. Talk to them. Explain that you’ve noticed a few things concerning you, and try to communicate before you end up saying something you don’t mean in the heat of the moment.
People can pull away in times of stress, or it can cause them to act unusually. It’s important to give your partner the benefit of the doubt before you go accusing them of wanting to break up.
1. They don’t care about your plans anymore
Studies show that couples who spend more time apart and actually enjoy it are more likely to break up. (This is part of why long-distance relationships can be so tough!). Spending time apart is important, but spending time together is, too.
Whether you’re making plans on your own or with them, it could be a red flag if someone who used to be excited or curious about your plans no longer has any interest in them.
That could mean they don’t ask you about what you’re doing with your friends on Friday night, or that they just don’t seem interested when you try to make plans together. It’s easier to emotionally distance yourself from someone when you don’t see them in person much. Naturally, someone planning a breakup with their partner will also be a lot less invested in what that partner is doing in their own time, too.
2. Their responses are short and take forever
Some people just don’t text, or they have a hard time keeping up a conversation over text. I would say most of us are used to sending at least one—to two-sentence messages, though, especially when we’re in a relationship and actually want to keep talking to the other person.
If you’ve noticed that your partner’s message responses have gotten shorter and taken longer to come through, that could be a sign… However,I want to emphasize that this only applies in the long term. Plenty of people get to busy points in their life with work or school where they need to focus on other things for a bit and can’t keep up an engaged conversation.
Don’t start worrying if your partner suddenly takes 10 minutes to respond rather than their usual 1-2. I would start worrying if you notice that it’s been a month and you haven’t gotten a response from them in under an hour, at least if that’s out of the norm for them.
3. They’re keeping a distance from your friends/ family (or keeping you at a distance from theirs)
It can be pretty awkward to attend your boyfriend/girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday party if you’re planning to break up with them. It would be weird to flat-out refuse for no reason, though. That’s why it’s common for people to remain ambiguous or come up with an excuse.
If you notice a lot of last-minute “emergencies” have stopped you from attending events where your partner’s friends or family would be present, it could indicate they just want to prevent you from meeting them. If they are planning to break up (which is still just an IF), they may have already told their friends or family.
Of course, on the other hand, there are a few reasons they may want to keep you from their friends/ family, but that doesn’t mean they want to break up. They could be planning a surprise and not trusting everyone to keep their mouths shut. This is why it’s important to talk to your partner before jumping to conclusions about their motives if you notice something is amiss.
4. They’re suddenly getting cozy with other potential romantic interests
There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship and making a new friend or getting to know a coworker. Trusting your partner to maintain respectful boundaries with others is a huge part of healthy relationships. However, if someone who used to have firm boundaries suddenly seems to be letting them go, it could be a sign they’re planning to break up.
Breakups happen for a plethora of different reasons. Many of those reasons have nothing to do with someone else, affairs, or anything similar. Of course, catching feelings for someone else is definitely a compelling reason to break up.
Emotional affairs take time to develop and still cause their fair share of breakups, even if no physical boundaries were crossed.
Being close to someone does not mean your partner is having an emotional affair. If you do notice that they’re suddenly acting out of the ordinary when it comes to one person in particular, that could be a sign you’re heading for a breakup. Talk to them about what you’ve noticed and gauge their reaction first.
5. They never initiate
One person alone can’t maintain a relationship. They’re a two-way street. Communication, interest, and desire for connection have to go both ways. If you’ve noticed your partner is never the first one to reach out, never the first one to suggest plans, never the first one to do anything, then it’s definitely a sign you’re headed for a breakup.
This is another one of those signs that have to be viewed in the long term though. In times of high stress it can be hard to initiate much of anything. Even the thought of texting you first could just have been pushed to the back of their mind while they’re focused on a big project or event coming up.
Sometimes, it’s also easier to initiate things through your own love language. If your love language is Acts of Service, it may not even occur to you to text first or be the first one to reach for your partner’s hand.
Now take a step back
All these could be signs that you’re headed for a breakup. They could mean your relationship is in trouble. Or they could mean an unfortunate series of coincidences has created a temporary distance… I urge you to take a deep breath and look at the big picture before assuming the worst.
Treat these signs as pieces of a puzzle depicting your relationship. They don’t show you the whole picture on their own. When you put them together and give your partner a chance to fill in any remaining gaps, you’ll be able to make the best decision moving forward.
