Devin Dornbrock Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Sometimes, people say one thing but mean something entirely different. This can be especially confusing when gender differences in communication come into play. Men and women often approach conversations in distinct ways, which can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. By learning what she says vs what she means, you can better navigate these differences, making your life easier and your relationships stronger. Let’s break down some common phrases women use and what they often really mean.
“Sorry, I have a boyfriend.”
This one is generally reserved for conversations with guys she’s not currently dating.
Using someone else as an excuse makes rejecting someone easier. Saying, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend,” implies there might have been a chance if she weren’t already in a relationship—but whether or not that’s true isn’t the point. If she’s saying she has a boyfriend, she’s not interested in anything romantic.
Even if you had no romantic intentions, it’s best to back off and respect her boundaries.
“I’m fine.”
More often than not, when a woman says she’s “fine,” she’s anything but. She may insist she’s okay because she doesn’t want to discuss what’s bothering her or because she’s upset and unsure how to express it.
The best thing to do here is to ask once if she’s sure and then accept her response. Setting a precedent of pestering her into talking when she’s upset isn’t healthy for either of you.
Instead, let her know you’re open to discussing anything bothering her and encourage communication to address the problem. After that, the ball is in her court. If her words consistently contradict her feelings, it’s time for a deeper conversation about communication in your relationship. You’re not a mind reader, and it’s not fair to expect you to decipher her contradictions.
“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”
If you’re ever asked this, just say yes.
The question isn’t about the logistics of loving a worm; it’s about reassurance. She wants to know that no matter what she looks like, you’ll still love her for who she is.
Saying yes isn’t a commitment to a hypothetical worm romance—it’s a low-stakes way to show her you care. The chances of her becoming a worm are zero, and she knows that. But telling her you wouldn’t still love her has a near 100% chance of upsetting her, so why take the risk?
“…If you want.”
Context is key here.
If she’s suggesting something you can do together, like “We could grab a bite to eat if you want” or “We could go get dessert if you want,” she’s probably expressing something she wants to do. This phrasing helps her feel less guilty about indulging in her cravings while spending time with you.
However, if she’s talking about something you would do on your own, like “You can go hang out with your friends if you want” or “We can stay in tonight so you can game if you want,” she’s likely trying to guilt-trip you. She doesn’t want to say outright that she’d rather spend time together and hopes you’ll prioritize her.
“It’s fine, I’ll do it myself.”
Here’s another example of what she says vs what she means. When she says she’ll handle it herself, it’s almost always a warning sign. This typically means she’s feeling upset or let down—especially if she had asked for help or it was implied that you’d take care of something.
At this point, you’re in a tricky situation. You can apologize and offer to take over the task, but she may still stay mad for a while. The best approach is to be proactive. Acknowledge your mistake, apologize, and offer to do something thoughtful to make up for it. While it won’t erase her frustration immediately, it will help her cool down over time.
“Whatever.”
Short, clipped responses like “whatever” are rarely a good sign. They usually mean she’s upset and wants you to bring it up.
If you’re unsure what’s wrong, reflect on your recent interactions to pinpoint what might have triggered her mood. If you still can’t figure it out, be honest and let her know you’re confused. While it’s her choice to communicate or not, ignoring her entirely isn’t the solution.
Strong communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, but it’s a two-way street. You can’t fix problems she won’t discuss, but showing you care enough to ask goes a long way.
“I don’t need anything.”
When she says she doesn’t want anything from a store or restaurant, take it with a grain of salt. Do yourself a favor and get her a little treat anyway. Even if she genuinely doesn’t want anything at the moment, a small surprise shows her you were thinking of her.
It doesn’t have to be anything big—a small, thoughtful gesture like this can make her day and earn you serious brownie points.
At the End of the Day
Understanding what she says vs what she means takes practice and patience, but it can significantly improve your relationships. Not everything needs to be overanalyzed—sometimes people mean exactly what they say. However, when you sense a disconnect, communication is key.
Approach situations with empathy, and don’t be afraid to ask for clarity. Relationships thrive when both partners feel heard, understood, and respected.
