learning to compromise

Selfishness is the base instinct in most of us. It’s the reason your parents had to teach you how to share your toys as a kid. If we could eat our cake and have it too, we would. That’s why learning how to compromise can be such a hard challenge for some in relationships. Compromising can be the make or break of any relationship.

Every time I hear the word compromise, I instantly think about gang movies – when two leaders of the gangs want to talk, they call it a parlay, a peaceful meeting to resolve whatever issues there may be between the two parties. It happens like every other episode of The Wire. 

You want what you want, and so does your partner. So how do you ensure that a parlay is peaceful between the both of you? 

It’s a part of basic communication. Being able to state how you feel or what you want to your partner without fear of being judged or manipulated is key. It’s okay to want something, but you also need to consider what your partner wants. Sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don’t. At the end of the day, it should be a decision that both of you come to an understanding about; otherwise, it was never really a compromise. 

To compromise, you need to listen to and be open-minded with your partner. 

Things to keep in mind: 

You don’t always have to be right

That feeling of wanting to win means you are no longer listening to your partner. Put your pride aside; this isn’t a competition. There is no winning or losing when it comes to coming out on top of an argument.

Let things go

The past has nothing to do with what you are talking about now. Forgive and move on. 

Manage your expectations

Is this fight worth it? Are you fighting just to fight, or do you actually care that much about whatever it is you are talking about? Sometimes we get swept up in our emotions. Take a deep breath and ask yourself if it’s worth it.

Willingness to change

It’s one thing to manage your expectations and another to act on them. Words are cheap. This is where you show others that you are not filled with empty promises. Stick to your word and find a balance for your compromise.

Share your emotions

Your partner isn’t a psychic. How are they supposed to know how you feel if you don’t tell them? Let them tell you how they feel also. Compromise is about meeting halfway. To get to that point, you both need to know how the other is feeling. 

Appreciate the other person

No matter what happens, always be appreciative of the other person. Sometimes you get your way and sometimes you don’t, but at the end of the day, a little positivity can go a long way when trying to find a solution with someone.

Be open-minded 

Compromise only works if you are willing to meet halfway. Yes, you want something done your way, and the other person wants it done a different way, but you need to be able to listen to what they have to say. Maybe your way won’t work, or maybe they have a better way of doing things. Being open-minded will make compromising all the easier.

Miscommunication can lead to a whirlwind of frustration, so making sure what you are saying to others is getting across in a way that they will understand is important. Communication starts with you. You need to say what you feel and listen to how your partner feels without judgment. Once you can do that, you can start the conversation of compromising, but you have to check yourself before you wreck yourself. 

No one enjoys festering in arguments and conflicts that stay unresolved. Communicate, compromise, and be content. (Look at that alliteration. My high school English teacher would be so proud.) 

And if you want to read more on conflict resolution, then look no further. You can read about it here.

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