Jose-Andres Alegria Getting cheated on is one of the top forms of betrayal you can experience in modern times. But it feels like it has become more common than ever before, or maybe the internet and social media have made catching cheaters all the easier. What do I know? Getting over being cheated on is a long process filled with hurt, shame, and self-blame. No one wants to be cheated on nor go through the painful experience of dealing with the aftermath, but it’s not up to us. Here are a few things to remember to get over someone who cheated on you.
Getting Over Someone Who Cheated On You
Don’t Blame Yourself
After your partner cheats on you, the easiest thing to do is to spiral into self-pity. What did I do wrong? Was I not enough? We can start to spiral and place the blame on ourselves. Insecurities bubble to the surface, and we question if we were ever good enough for the person. The inverse is true too. We can become really angry and tear into the other person for betraying us. No matter the reaction, we are left with a stinging sadness that leaves us questioning everything. But the one thing you need to remind yourself of is that you’re not to blame. Someone who cheats on you didn’t do it because of anything you did. Cheating is a choice just as much as commitment is.
Get Closure
Most of us seek closure when betrayal is involved, but what does closure look like in this context? I know this is a cop-out answer, but closure looks different for everyone. The most important thing to remember with closure is that it needs to come from within us, and it’s not something anyone else can give us. We might desperately seek answers from the person who hurt us, but who’s to say they will tell you the truth? Seeking and getting closure isn’t only about demanding honesty from your ex-partner but also seeking honesty from yourself. Every failed relationship, cheating or not, is a chance for us as individuals to learn and grow. That growth will hurt because who likes getting their hearts broken by someone they thought they could trust?
Closure isn’t getting all the answers you want from the person who hurt you. It’s not some pretty bow tied to a box, but it’s accepting what’s happened, seeking clarity from within yourself after the fact, and moving on to better things in your life that fill you with joy. There is no timetable to move on, but things won’t magically fix themselves either. So if you want closure, you need to work towards it.
No Contact
If I had a dollar for every time people got back together after they broke up, even after one of them cheated, I would be the richest person in the world. Getting cheated leaves us with such a weird combo of feelings. You go from loving someone to feeling betrayed in a heartbeat, but sometimes your feelings for them don’t disappear overnight. Those conflicting feelings are a double-edged sword. It can be easy to give in to some emotions during a moment of weakness. The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut all contact with the person who betrayed you. Hitting that stupid block button can be one of the hardest things for some of us, but it can also be the most freeing. You can’t expect yourself to heal and get closure if you don’t give yourself the space to do so.
Getting Cheated On Hurts
Loving someone and being vulnerable with them can be a wonderful thing. However, intimacy with anyone can lead to hurt and heartbreak, but not allowing yourself to open up to others is living life with fear. Getting cheated on hurts a lot, but you can’t close yourself off from the rest of the world forever. You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions, and seeking closure can be a difficult part of healing from heartbreak. You need to give yourself the space to heal through that heartbreak as well, but you can either do nothing and let the horrible actions of someone else dictate how you live life and love others, or you can move forward one step at a time and heal from it.
