Fast and the Furious 9

I think for any guy born before 2000, The Fast and The Furious franchise is a guilty pleasure. Are they good movies? No. Are they entertaining as hell? Absolutely!! Who would have thought our small ragtag team of racers from East LA would go from stealing DVD players and racing a quarter mile at a time would go on to save the world as covert spies? Not me. But I love every second I get to spend with The Fast Family. 

Rating: Worst Movie Ever or Best Movie Ever (No in-between) 

The Fast and The Furious 9 – Best Movie Ever!!!!

Non Spoilers

I’m not going to spend much time here. It’s hard not to spoil how insane this movie is, especially since the first few films were somewhat believable. DVD heists, drifting in Tokyo, taking down drug lords in Miami all seem kinda plausible. The best of them is the Vault Heist in Fast Five, but that was also the turning point from plausible stunts to superhuman feats. Fast 9 is the apex of some of the most insane superhuman stunts they have shown yet. There is even a running joke in the movie about it. Roman thinks that after all of the insane things he and the crew have done, he is invincible, and Tej makes fun of him for it. If you are a fan of the series, then you will enjoy the film. Just know that the endless airplane runway is more realistic than most of this movie.   

SPOILERS: My random thoughts about this movie.

  • First things first, I went into this movie blind. I avoided the trailers and ducked as many tweets about this movie as I could before watching it. The only thing I knew beforehand was that someone was going into space. Who was going or why was a mystery. I was not disappointed. Seeing Roman and Tej, the two funniest characters in the franchise, floating in space was the second-best highlight of the movie. 
  • Maybe Roman was onto something about the whole “we might be invincible” thing. I know it was a tongue-in-cheek joke by the writers acknowledging the crazy stunts the crew pulled off in past movies and this one. But even after this movie, Roman is scar-free, and no one will believe he was in space. 
  • The highlight of this movie, for me at least, was Han. Han is the coolest character in the franchise. You can debate me on this all you want, but if you disagree, you are wrong. Han oozes the kind of swag that most people dream of having. He speaks a bunch of different languages, and he is always snacking on something. Han faked his death with the help of Mr. Nobody. He raised a ninja. The list goes on, but seeing him in the neon-lit streets of Tokyo after saving Mia and Letty from some henchmen made my heart so happy. Han deserved better than watching his girl die and then “dying” at the hands of Deckard Shaw. I can’t wait to see more of Han in the next movies. 
  • How did Dom’s shirts stay so freaking white the whole time? 
  • Dominic Toretto is the strongest man alive in this universe, and the only competition he has is the Rock’s character, Hobb, and John Cena’s character, Jakob Toretto. (Yes, spelled with a K and not a C.) Dom took on 30 people on a walkway. He started winning the fight, but he got overwhelmed and took the rafting down while falling into some water. If there is one thing that fuels Dominic Toretto it is the power of family. 
  • Am I supposed to believe that John Cena and Vin Diesel are siblings? Yeah, OKAY. 
  • I know it’s a tribute to Paul Walker, but the fact that Brian is still alive in the universe and they keep writing around that plot hole feels weird. It’s sort of like Twitter accounts of dead celebrities that tweet even after they die. It just doesn’t feel right after a while.
  • How is it that family is so important to Dom, and he turned on his brother so easily? I get that he blames Jakob for killing their dad, but they didn’t even have a conversation about it. Dom exiled his brother like it was nothing and stopped keeping tabs on him after some time. It’s hard to believe and feels out of character for who Dom is. And he wasn’t going to tell Mia that their brother turned up. WHAT!?!? It makes no sense. 
  • Letty is wifey goals. She sat there locked out of the room while she watched the love of her life take on 40 guys to save them. And just when we think Dom is done for, floating in the water with flashbacks of his childhood. Letty jumps into the water to save him. She is the definition of ride or dies, and I would be lucky to find someone that loyal to have as a partner. 
  • There are a handful of instances scattered in this movie where people are thrown out of fast-moving vehicles and get up without so much a scratch. These people should be dead. Splats of blood scattered on the street like roadkill. 
  • My last thought. Watching Deckard Shaw throw punches into a punching bag only for it to be revealed that someone is inside of it had me cracking up in the theater. I was legit crying. Good thing I was the only one there. And when he opened the door only for Han to be standing there. All I can say is the HYPE was real. 

Closing thoughts

I love this franchise in the same way that I love the power rangers. As a kid, I wanted to be a power ranger who fought monsters and saved the world. The Fast and The Furious Franchise is just as believable as the Power Rangers but even knowing that it still makes me want to save the world driving really expensive and insanely fast cars. I might not be able to do a roundhouse kick or summon a Megazord, and I for sure can’t drive a stick, but I can dream. And if you want more Fast and the Furious content, listen to the All Fantasy Everything Podcast episode where they draft some of their favorite moments from the movie. 

Fast cars not your speed? Check out last month’s movie of the month: Demon Slayer Mugen Train.  

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