Devin Dornbrock Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
When something dramatic happens that hugely affects our lives, most of us probably want to talk about it with other people. If not immediately, then at least at some point. And most of the time, that isn’t a problem! It can become one, though, if the people we’re talking to are less of a willing participant and more of a soundboard for you to dump everything on, regardless of their own feelings, which is why it’s important to know the difference between venting and trauma dumping.
Venting vs Trauma Dumping: What’s The Difference?
Let’s start with talking about what “venting” and “trauma dumping” even mean.
Venting is about letting something out. Usually, we vent about something causing a lot of big emotions in the present—things like your teacher or boss chewing you out for not submitting your work on time. Or maybe your family was recently lecturing you about cleanliness. Both situations can be frustrating, especially if you feel like you have valid reasons to defend yourself that weren’t taken seriously.
Trauma dumping, on the other hand, is usually about many things that happened in the past. Rather than a single event, trauma dumping may involve unloading several or even an entire lifetime’s worth of traumatic events. Trauma dumping also usually involves unloading on people who weren’t expecting it and were not emotionally prepared to deal with what you tell them.
The biggest differences between the two are the period of events being talked about and the emotions from those events. Venting is usually limited to talking about things that made us angry or frustrated or feel helpless. Trauma dumping is usually about things that are, well, traumatic. This can include feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness, but it can also include fear, pain, and a lot more.
While both may sound pretty cathartic, neither venting nor trauma dumping do much good.
Venting: A Double-Edged Sword
I will be the first to tell you that a good vent session sounds like a good idea and can be helpful in processing emotionally charged events. From a psychological standpoint, though, venting isn’t always the best idea. Studies into the effectiveness of anger management strategies actually “do not support the ideas that venting anger… [is] effective anger management.”
Hearing that venting doesn’t help with things like anger sounded wrong to me at first. It’s a good thing not to keep emotions bottled up. Isn’t it? So how can venting about your emotions or intense situations not actually help? The answer is that it really depends. When we vent about things, we usually look for support and validation. The danger of venting is that it can be easy to start spiraling emotionally and dwell on the negative feelings evoked by whatever you’re venting about.
Even though venting to a friend may feel good for a moment, it can easily become like an echo chamber. The same emotions and thoughts bounce around while you continue getting worked up with no resolution.
That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t let out your troubles and woes when a friend lends you their ear. Of course, you should! Just don’t spend too long on the same things. It probably gets tiring for them; more often than not, you’ll just end up getting wound up over the same things repeatedly.
Trauma Dumping: A Harmful Habit
While venting can occasionally help, trauma dumping rarely benefits anyone. It involves unloading deeply personal experiences at inappropriate times or with unprepared people.
Healthy conversations about trauma require the right setting and mindset. Trauma dumping often ignores boundaries, placing emotional strain on the listener. Worse, reliving traumatic experiences this way doesn’t help the person dumping either—it can reinforce the trauma instead of healing it.
In some cases, trauma dumping is unintentional. But occasionally, it can be manipulative. People may use their trauma to guilt others into offering support, knowing that most of us feel empathetic or even obligated to help.
Healthy Communication is Key
Most of us want to assume the best of others, which can be tough when we aren’t communicating in a healthy way.
Healthy communication shouldn’t involve dwelling on the same negative emotions or unloading trauma on others. It is a two-way street involving respect and consideration. That’s why it’s important to understand the difference between venting and trauma dumping. Knowing what they are and the right time and place to talk about such things is a big step toward being a healthy communicator.
If you have a friend who tends to trauma dump while calling it “venting” but isn’t sure how to talk to them, try reading up on creating boundaries. When you’re used to supporting other people, it can feel heartless to want distance, but I promise you aren’t a monster for needing some space. Or letting them know you just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to hear about their trauma.
